Nobody has ever died from stage fright or speaking in public, but I have heard more than once at parties or other social gatherings when people find out what I do,  “I would rather die than speak in front of a group”! For many of us, just the thought of speaking in front of people is scary, and oh so uncomfortable! We’d just rather not put ourselves through that kind of anxiety.

Have you ever had any of these symptoms before or while speaking to a group? Dry mouth, tight throat, clammy or shaky hands, queasy stomach, quickened heart rate, weak knees, a sense of dread?  Can you think of more? You’re not alone. In fact, many of the most successful performers and public speakers in the world get stage fright, so you are in good company. I have my own theories of why the phenomenon is so universal. I believe that very few of us got much, if any encouragement to express our authentic selves when we were growing up. If we spoke our minds, voiced our opinions, shared our beliefs, were verbal about or let our feelings show, we were subject to ridicule, criticism and for some, even more severe forms of silencing. Consequently, we feel very vulnerable when we are put (or we put ourselves) on the spot to be watched and listened to by people who may judge or even reject us.

If you are one of those “I’d rather die”! reluctant speakers, who must speak to a group because your job requires you to do so, or in order to advance your career, or be a more effective leader, rest assured that you can be a powerful, confident, relaxed and engaging communicator even if you’re shy or extremely nervous speaking in front of people. Great speaking begins with a valuable message that you want to convey, or a strong conviction about something important to you. If you’ve got that, you’re well on your way!

Although we can trace much of this fear of being vulnerable to psychological roots or personal history, you can learn to manage, even master this phenomenon called “Stage Fright” or “Performance Anxiety”. But the first thing you must accept is this: You can’t MAKE the symptoms go away! In fact, you have probably already found that the more you try, the more intense they’ll feel! This fact is one of the most frustrating and discouraging aspects of trying to conquer this common, very human affliction. So then, what can you do?

With a few principles to be mindful of and several strategies (listed below) used alone or in combination, and with practice, you will look and sound and ultimately be confident and in command when you are in the throws of stage fright symptoms. Be aware, with practice the symptoms more than likely will lessen, but they won’t ever go away completely. However, they can become like familiar friends – there to support, energize and connect you.

3 Essential points to always remember –

1. The more you are able to focus on what you want to contribute – which usually comes from your core values and your strong convictions, the less you will focus on yourself (how you look, how you sound, worrying about what your listeners are thinking about YOU). This will go a long way towards helping you become less and less self-conscious over time.

2. Much of stage fright is anticipatory and will substantially lessen after the first minute or two of your presentation. In the hours and moments prior to a potentially stressful speaking situation, you can actually use the experience to help you prepare.

3. The symptoms you feel in your body are forms of energy, with a little adrenalin thrown in for good measure. They can be used to your advantage. If you are not familiar with these sensations or, if you register them as discomfort and think they are bad and shouldn’t be there, or that you should be able to will them away, then your frustration will grow and you will resist them. This will now be your focus, causing a constriction in your body that will actually make you look stiff and uptight. Your attention will not be on your presentation, but rather on trying to get rid of your stage fright. Your audience will pick this up right away and a steep decline of your credibility will result. 

Here’s the great paradox: When you feel the surge of energy, (the symptom) wherever it may manifest, if you allow and welcome it, rather than fight it (a battle you will always lose!) you will be naturally more accessible, engaging, genuine, authentic, and poised to focus on what’s important: connecting with your audience, and saying what you want to say in a way that will make a difference while adding value to your listeners. It’s helpful to remember in the case of stage fright, that symptoms aren’t bad, they just are. They are the result of a very ancient (reptilian) brain response known as “fight or flight” when the threat of danger is most present.
The bottom line: You are not really in “danger,” your body is just responding as if it is. If you can learn not to be alarmed by the sensations, accept them for what they are and use their energy to energize yourself, (which in turn will energize your listeners) you are now the one in control, not your symptoms.

All of this is definitely easier said than done which is why being coached and lots of practice are two of the most essential strategies for being a confident and natural speaker.

Here are some more to try out. Not all of them will work for you, however, with trial and error you’ll find your own recipe for success.

In advance of your presentation:

• Be extremely well prepared, but don’t memorize! A memorized script is going to sound canned and contrived and bring your authenticity and credibility factor down several notches. If you don’t know your subject or material well enough to improvise using minimal notes (if any), than you are not  prepared! (Not to mention the awkward and embarrassing moment of forgetting your “lines” – which you most likely will if you’re nervous).  Imagine all the energy and focus that goes into trying to remember a script. This is NOT where you want your focus to be!

• Join a speaking club, workshop, class, or hire a coach for extra practice, feedback and guidance.

• Know who your audience will be in advance. Do the research.

• If possible, spend some time in casual conversation with at least a few people in the audience just prior to your presentation to help you relax. You can even reference that conversation in your talk to help facilitate a more personal and relaxed delivery.

• Prepare visuals and props to use in your presentation that will also serve as cues for you. This is a healthy crutch as well as something to keep your audience attentive, but don’t overdo it! You want people paying attention mostly to you, not the wall, the flipchart or the Powerpoint screen!

• Practice, practice, practice OUT LOUD in front of others or a video camera. Both will give you genuine and immediate feedback.

• Begin some kind of body awareness program like yoga, weight training, pilates, dance, martial arts. They will help you learn to be grounded, poised, relaxed, physically conditioned and comfortable in your own skin while focusing on the “here and now”.

While Speaking

• If your legs are trembling, remember gravity and feel your feet on the floor.

• If you are using a microphone, try not to hold it in your hand in the first few minutes. In fact, arrange for a lavaliere mic if you are going to be moving around the floor or stage. This will reduce tension and free up your hands and body.

• Avoid holding notes on flimsy paper. The audience will see the paper shaking. If you must use notes, use three-by-five cards or prepare a visually attractive yet minimal (very little text) Powerpoint or Keynote presentation.

• Make eye contact with familiar people in the audience and attentive listeners. This will instantly connect you.

• Involve your audience if you can (ask questions, get them to participate in a brief activity). This will engage your audience even more and will help to be more of a conversation than a speech.

• Try not to stand in one place unless you’re at a podium with a stationary microphone. If you can arrange NOT to have a podium or a stationary mic, you will learn to be more comfortable in your body which in turn will help your audience be more comfortable and attentive. This will take practice, but is worth the effort!

• Use natural hand gestures (the way you would in conversation with your best friend), which will help your body to stay loose.

• Speak more slowly than you are used to. This will help to ground you and your energy and keep you in your body.

There is so much to absorb here, I know. And much more to delve into to be a masterful speaker and presenter, but these tips along with an attitude of self compassion and genuine desire to connect with others and share what is most important to you, will take you a long way towards managing and eventually mastering the symptoms that have so many hiding out in the back of the room or behind their desks. Mastering any skill takes patience and persistence. Enjoy the challenge and always remember what the great film director John Ford once said, “You can speak well if your tongue can deliver the message of your heart”.